Thursday, June 3, 2010

What Ever Happened to Squeeze Parkay?

I used to LOVE that stuff!  My mom and dad would never buy it, preferring the cheaper, but more impossible to use, stick butter.  Which always ripped your toast into shreds.  I HATED stick butter/margarine.

My cool as all get out aunt and uncle had Squeeze Parkay.  They were my Godparents and everything they did, and everything they had, was awesome.  I remember staying at their house and loving me some Squeeze Parkay.  On toast.  On potatoes.  On corn on the cob.  It was so easy.  So good tasting.

But my parents would NEVER buy it.  My dad was kind of cheap.  He never bought Coke or Pepsi.  Never bought name brand paper towels or napkins.  Or toilet paper either.  GFAMT!  So he CERTAINLY wasn't buying no Squeeze Parkay.  What did I think we were, rich people?!

I remember in high school thinking to myself, "man, when I move out, I'm buying whatever I want!"  Because when you're in high school, you have no sense of money.

Still, when I went away to college and lived on my own, although money was tight, I always bought Squeeze Parkay.  Because I LOVED it.  And because I could. I bought Coke, Kraft Mac n'Cheese and Squeeze Parkay.  Everything else, I stuck with store brands.  Except Mayo, that was either Hellman's or Kraft because you don't mess around with Mayo.  Know what I mean?

I was buttering some toast the other day.  We buy tubs of whatever now.  And it occurred to me that I haven't seen Squeeze Parkay in the stores.  Have they stopped selling it or is it just one of the things you can't get on the left coast.  Like Cracker Barrel.  Or sweet tea.  Or Sonny's.  Or Hellman's mayonnaise.


  1. Yeah, mayonnaise is just nasty. Unless it's in potato salad and only then if it's paired with a lot of mustard, so that you really can't taste it. My "wait til I grow up and I'll be able to buy anything I want" food was cereal. Mom and dad bought Cheerios, or Rice Krispies, or Chex, or Corn Flakes...pretty much anything that wasn't pre-sweetened. It was ok, but I wanted Sugar Smacks, or Corn Pops, or basically anything else that would land me just this side of a sugar coma. I remember getting mom to buy a bunch of King Vitamin cereal so that I could send in the box tops for some free prize they were giving away.

    Worst. Cereal. Ever!

    Oh, it was awful. Nice fresh cardboard would have been tastier...and probably less apt to cut the inside of your mouth. I ate it all though, and sent in the box tops, and got whatever it was they were giving away. I don't remember the particulars, but I do seem to remember that it wasn't worth 3 or 4 months of "King Gruel Would Be Better Than This Crap".

    On a side note, we would appreciate your prayers this upcoming week. My dad is going in for triple bypass and her dad is going to have part/all of one kidney removed. Plus we've got to go meet with our Homestudy agency for the first time. Lots of stuff a brewin'. Oh, and on a partial side note to the previous side note, some of you have asked about the adoption. We have a blog detailing our story about it and where we are. You can find it at

    Zzub, if you are opposed to the shameless cross blog advertisement, let me know and I'll chop the address. Feel free to come and take a look. Post if you want. Don't if you don't. You know us, we're pretty easy.


  2. Oh, and like all blogs, you have to go all the way to the end to start at the beginning...if that's confusing enough. Well, you know how blogs work.

  3. Squeeze Parkay!! Just the reading of those two words brought a taste to my mouth that I haven't thought of in YEARS. I loved Squeeze Parkay.

    We used to go camping every October with four other families that my parents were great friends with. All of us kids had a great time hiking and playing in the river, and the adults had a great time circled around the campfire drinking soft drinks, coffee or wine...depending on what time of day it was.

    My mom would fix the BEST breakfast every morning when we were camping. Scrambled eggs, bacon, sausage and toast. She had this little thing that you could prop bread on. (I'm sure there is a name for it and folks who still camp would know, but the closest thing the NMs do to camping is drop one of our kids off at camp and come back and get them two weeks later.)

    Anywho, this bread toasting thingy was shaped like a pyramid and you propped a slice of bread on each side of the pyramid and it toasted BEAUTIFULLY. Then you squeezed some Squeeze Parkay on it. It was the best ever, and I could have eaten the whole loaf.

    Almost better than the SP, was the fact that when we went camping, Mama bought white bread instead of whole wheat. Ahhhhh, good times...

    Thanks for the memory, ZZUB.

  4. WTH? We've got 2 in the fridge right now. Maybe I should put one up on ebay and y'all can bid on it.

  5. No need to put it on ebay: just mail it to me. I'll gladly pay you Tuesday for some Squeeze Parkay today.

    MG: thanks for the update and link to your blog. You guys are in for an exciting time!


  6. Squeeze Parkay is the bomb.

    Not only is it the bomb, it's the ONLY acceptable form of butter at a crawfish boil. Not for the crawfish (cause you don't need any extra butter if you're sucking the heads...which I DON'T do by the way because that's the nastiest thing ever...who in their right mind would want to eat crawfish brains?), but for the new potatoes and corn on the cob... cooked in the same pot as the crawfish. That's some GOOD eatin' right there. Gooey butter and hot, spicy potatoes. Just the memory of it is making me crave some right now.

    I can't believe they don't have Hellman's on the Left Coast! That alone is reason enough to move back down south. They make the very best, you know.

    Or is it the best a man can get?

    And although this was discussed before the page turn, Ash's tip about the plastic knife and brownies works great, NM. I got the tip from a box mix awhile back and it works like a charm.


  7. Hey Zzub!

    Having no Cracker Barrel would be tough. Sweet tea I could make at home. But no Hellmans? That’s just crazy talk right there. When we first got married, First Lady Biscuit had these delusions concerning Miracle Whip. I quickly declared the stuff to be of the devil and instituted a household ban on said substance.

    We in the Lone Star State still have Squeeze Parkay and it is a tableside staple at most BBQ joints. (For buttering up the sliced bread they all serve as sides.)

    MG – you guys will definitely be in my prayers, both for the upcoming medical procedures and the adoption.

    LaLa - One thing I miss about living in Beaumont is the Cajun cooking. I'm with you on the head sucking though. Gives me the willies to even ponder such a thing.

  8. Am I the only one who has a problem interchanging the terms "butter" and "margarine"? I am a BUTTER girl. No margarine in any form - tub, stick, or squeeze bottle, enters my kitchen. Sorry. I will go without before I'll put margarine on my food. ESPECIALLY on toast. Yuck. The taste just ain't the same. If I'm being healthy (which only happens occasionally, mind you), I will use olive oil for some things, and nothing on others. Toast would be a problem, but when I'm dieting for real I don't really eat bread. So there ya go.

    Hellmans rocks, but even though I am ridiculed by my husband for my brand name snobbery (meaning I rarely buy generic/store brand anything), I don't have a strong feeling about mayo. I'll usually buy whatever's on sale. But don't ask me to compromise on my Heinz ketchup or French's mustard or, GFAMT, my Thomas' English Muffins ; )

  9. Now that's funny. I'm a mayo purist (Kraft) but I could care less about ketchup or mustard. Although we keep three kinds of mustard in the house at all times: regular, spicy and dijon. I don't care about the brand.

    As for GB's unfounded hatred for the Whip, I will only say this: it's not for all occasions. Miracle Whip is good on some sandwiches and in some recipes. I can't imagine devilled eggs without it. But you can't put it in tuna or on a roast beef sandwich. We normally keep a tiny jar of it in the fridge for the random time we make devilled eggs or I want it on a ham sandwich.

    Ash: I think I'm the opposite from you (in seemingly every way imaginable). I prefer the artificial taste of margerine to the real taste of butter. For that matter: I like strawberry flavored things but not real strawberries. And I almost always prefer boxed cake to bakery or homemade. And with very few exceptions, I think canned icing beats homemade or that whipped bakery crapola.


  10. Great Biscuit said:

    LaLa - One thing I miss about living in Beaumont is the Cajun cooking.

    That just brought back memories of a lil' place in Beaumont called the Cajun Cookery. We've stopped there a few times on our way to San Antonio to visit family. Because it was convenient and we were hungry. And the lure of all you can eat crawfish AND frog legs was too much to resist.

    Not that we ate the frog legs. We kind of just sat around and marveled at the people who filled their plates up with them and went to town.

    I hear it tastes like chicken though.

    Ash, I'm with you. I gotta have certain name brand foods. Philly cream cheese comes to mind. The other stuff just isn't as good.

    And Miracle Whip IS the devil. I'd rather suck the heads than eat that stuff.

  11. Z sad:

    I can't imagine devilled eggs without it.

    It's official. You ARE an idiot. Next thing you know, you'll tell us you like slimy salami. With a heapin' helpin' of Miracle Whip. On pumpernickel. With a side of beets and hominy.

    That's bad enough, but who in their right mind doesn't like real strawberries? Do you like chocolate covered ones at least? If not, there is no hope for you and your jacked up taste buds.

  12. Is there anything WORSE than artificial strawberry flavoring? Is there any better fruit than REAL strawberries?

    It IS official. There is no hope for Lefty's taste buds.

  13. Okay, I can't believe I'm doing this, but I will support Z in a couple of things. Not the strawberries, because I agree with NM on that front. I got some freshly picked berries at the nearby farmstand the other day and I am loving them. But I do understand the Miracle Whip in SOME things. I don't think I've ever bought it, mind you, but my mother used to use it (ONLY) for her "macaroni salad" and mayo was a sad substitute. Something about that little touch of sweet that works in a few places. (Though I do not use it for deviled eggs. Maybe it's only called for when there are two l's in devilled.)

    And I am totally with you on the boxed cake and canned icing. Canned icing is almost the only kind I like, though even then I only like a tiny bit of it. I am NOT the girl who wants a corner piece of the sheetcake. Middle all the way, baby. And even then I usually leave behind 1/2 the frosting. Along with the crawfish heads and frogs legs, TYVM.

  14. Ash said:

    Though I do not use it for deviled eggs. Maybe it's only called for when there are two l's in devilled.


  15. Yeah, it's funny to have your tastebuds criticized by people who eat crawfish. Heaven only knows what OTHER kinds of crap the likes of LaLa et. al. consume. Between Miracle Whip and crawdads, I'll take the Whip any day of the week.

    Ash: MW isn't the predominant mayo in devilled eggs. It's just an add-in; like dijon mustard. And it's goooooood!

    I do like choc covered strawberries but only b/c of the chocolate. I usually leave most of the strawberry on the plate. Stawberry jam and preserves are good. Real strawberries suck!


  16. As a child I adored Miracle Whip, as it was the ONLY way to eat an after-school bologna sammie.

    However, as an adult, I can't stand the sugary stuff and am a tried-and-true Hellman's Light fan.

    For the record, I made some banging Macaroni Salad with it over Memorial Day weekend... umm, yeah you have to add some sugar, sour cream, and apple cider vinegar, spices, shredded sharp cheddar, bell pepper, and red onion.

    I am with Ash, though, on the margarine thing. Although, it bears sharing, that I saw a cool little butter press at Tuesday Morning. You pop a stick in and twist the end and it starts shoving out a thin stream, or ribbon, of whatever stick-like, buttery substance you want to load in it. So there's an alternative to processed squirty stuff, and I imagine it would be fun to try it out.

    Javamom, AKA Steph

  17. The weather is BEE-YOU-TEE-FUL today. FYI.

    And summer is upon us. Which usually means baseball for the NMs. The cooler is packed with water, fruit, Gatorade and cold, wet towels that will be draped around the neck of my son when he comes into the dugout. We may be used to the heat around here, but I'll never take for granted how heat exhaustion can sneak up on an 8 year old boy. And his 40 year old Mama.

    Why do baseball pants have to be so THICK?


    Nothing sounds nastier right now than mayo of any kind. And I do love a lil mayo spread on some wheat bread with a few sliced tomatoes and salt and pepper.

    But only if it's served inside an air conditioned house.

    Hope everybody has a good day.


    P.S. Steph, Tuesday Morning has some cool finds, sometimes, don't they?

  18. Ohhhhhh...I really like my profile pic.

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  19. You know, I never really had a preference on brand name for butter or margarine but I can say I was excited when my mom bought the squeeze kind. I got excited just a few years ago when I saw spray butter and I have some in the fridge right now.

    I was lucky if I got any mayo because my mom hates it.

    Now if we want to talk about wierd food things...You can't mix fast food ketchups. Don't bring me Burger King ketchup for my McDonalds fries. It just doesn't taste the same. I would rather eat plain fries than mix up the ketchup.

    Ahh I'm so glad I came out with that. I feel much better now.

  20. In the name of all that is good and buttery, THIS is where all the cool kids have been hanging out?!


    I feel like the girl who gets to the prom thinking she's wearing THE dress of the year, only the find out the Prom Queen's wearing it, and she got there first, and she looks SO much better in it.

    But maybe that's just me.

    As for the Squeeze Parkay? My grandparents used to have it and it totally freaked me out. I'm with AshClan. I'm ALL ABOUT THE BUTTER, baby.

    ~Tinkerbellarella a.k.a Nikki

  21. Tink - I got lost too, I was here before, but lost the link and just found it again.

    ZZUB - I'm almost all the way to the left coast (but still soo far right) in AZ and we have both Parkay and Hellman's mayo - but it's sold as Best Foods. Still way better than the MW crap.

    Pollito aka Sara

  22. Tinkerbellarella said: I'm with AshClan. I'm ALL ABOUT THE BUTTER, baby

    Must be a Libra thing ; )
    (or maybe it's Boston....)

    Nice to see you over here Tink!

  23. Stinkerbellarella! Polito!!! Great to see y'all over here.

    Polito: are you saying that Best Foods =Hellman's like Carl's Jr. = Hardee's?


  24. AC - Def not a Libra thing so it must be Boston!

    Zzub - I was wandering about our neighborhood Wal-Mart butter section last night and confirmed that they indeed carry Squeeze Parkay. It's a $1.52 a bottle, so if you have to have a vice, I guess that's a good one to have.

  25. Aside from a couple of movies, one in particular which I can't for the life of me remember the name where someone squeezed squeeze Parkay in their mouth until it dripped all over and the fact that we got the big three US networks on our TV back in the 70's, hence "American" commercials, I know not of what you talk.

    No squeeze Parkay in Canada.

    Never used it.

    Never squeezed it.

    Never occured to me to buy it when in the US.

    Now, the spray butter - Can't Believe It's Not Butter is da bomb. I've been known to bring a few sprays across the border. Declared it to Customs even! Love me some edible oil product (sorry's not butter) We have a knockoff brand here but it's not as good.

    Why can't we have the squeeze stuff then??? Is there some sort of US/Canada trade embargo on squeezable products?

    I blame George W. Bush.

    TFI - we have no cheese in a spray can either. But we do have the cheese whiz (which, I think is the prime ingredient in the famous Le Cellier cheese soup.....hence the Canadian bathroom situation at Epicot)

    Glad to report we do have Hellmans, Miracle Whip and all sorts of dijon ketchups...heh-heh

    My DD just discovered a new American delicacy while shopping in Buffalo recently - icing in a spray can!!!! It is the best! Even has a little tip for easy decorating.

    Also, those little micro wave cake things from Betty Crocker (I think) that take all of 30 seconds in the microwave. Easy bake for adults - wonderful!

    Finally - brown sugar cinnamon Poptarts. Can't get them in Canada.

    You guys have all the great stuff.

  26. Now, I could be wrong, but isnt the consistency of that squeeze butter a

    It is funny that so many have had the same experience with name brands as I have. My mom would never buy name brand, let alone sugared anything. Might explain the mini-fridge and toaster oven I kept in my room.

    I have to have the name brands. I have had dreams about dorritos and the sadly no longer carried rasberry filled hostess powder doughnut (not dognuts). Mmmmmm the doughnuts.....It is amazing that I am not homebound do to girth or a type II diabetic. Yet.

    I blame my mom for the fact that as a 30 something adult I eat Fruitty Pebbles, Captain Crunch and Boo Berry cereals since I never got it out of my system.

  27. Best Foods Mayo IS Hellmans. Just a different name. Honest.

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